SUPERMOM, SUPER MODEL …Six Great Parenting Tips for YOUNG MOTHERS

Written by Peace Eneja

When you hear the word “model”, I bet what usually comes to mind is a person who poses for the camera and appears on the front cover of a magazine or product. However, the definition of a model in this context goes beyond that.

Most children want to look up to someone older, someone they want to learn from; it is easier to pick up behaviours from people and that's what children do. It's important that you  be the right model for them.

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs I have ever known, and the fact is, you can never be fully prepared for the job until you get in. It is not easy to know what every toddler wants, understanding their language alone takes so much focus on them plus the teenagers coming up with their own little issues, and it is becoming difficult to make them understand you're still in charge while trying to give them little space; watching them step out of the house to a party you did approve but not with your whole heart. What about your adult children? Are you still making the decisions for them? Because things are getting tougher with them and you still want to be everything to them- a friend, someone they look up to, someone they can trust with secrets and all that borders them. 

Well, the good news is- you can still achieve all that if you live up to your own end of the deal. The following tips could help you become a better parent to your children.

• Be Yourself: The pressure to look good and meet up daily needs add to women's mental stress. Feeling constant need to compete with and strive to be like others will only make you build an external locus of identity, which means you value yourself only as much as others value you. Super Moms don’t try to fit in, they want to stand out. Know that the best you can be is yourself and let your children see that in your character. Remember that your best teaching skill is your action, so let them see you for who you are.

• Do Not Be Idle: Super Moms are mothers who are able to make a living and support the family. The only way you can teach your children how not to be lazy is if you are not lazy yourself. In fact, research has shown that working mothers are positive role models to their daughters. Your life teaches them how to be independent and supportive. However, care must be taken so that your job does not replace your family. Simply put, Super Moms do not get caught up in making a living that they forget to make a life for their family, most especially the children. You must learn to balance the two properly!

• Practice What You Preach: Alyce Barnes, an education researcher at the University of Newcastle in Australia once said that the girl child’s beliefs and behaviours may stem from those of their mothers. Children are not always very good at listening to their parents but they are experts at emulating them. Supermoms are not always the ones who are constantly telling their children what they should and should not do or what they get and did not get right, they are the ones who not only talk but also act. They show their children how to do it right by doing it right themselves. If you tell them not to tell lies, make sure you are telling the truth always. If you do not want them to keep bad companies, keep good ones. These children can only make meaningful use of themselves in life and in society if you are doing the same.

• Pay Attention To Your Wards: Mothers are very crucial to their children’s success and one of the ways to achieve this is by paying close attention to them. Supermoms are experts in listening. When you listen to your child, you learn a lot of things that would give you both a better relationship. In fact, it is this period that you learn their talents or abilities, their strengths and weaknesses, thus knowing their needs. Stories have been told about children who attempted suicide because they got bullied in school while mum and dad were too busy to notice it. Supermoms are never too busy to listen to their children even when they seem to be saying meaningless things. When you listen to them, it gives them the impression that their opinion counts and that they matter to you. By this, they will grow up knowing that letting people hear their views is very important. It is a mark of love and respect.

• Avoid Negative Words: Every woman is as beautiful as a damsel only if she chooses to see it so. The way you treat yourself is exactly the way everyone around treats you. Avoid using negative words to describe your physical appearance. For example, “I think my eyes are too big, I don’t like my breasts, they are not big enough” etc. These words will gradually sink into your daughter’s subconscious mind and she’ll develop same attitude for herself.

• Educate Them On Sex: That sweet little cute baby in your hands will someday grow into a beautiful teenage girl or a handsome teenage boy. This period is critical and you need to buckle up because the job will get tougher at that point. If you do not do a proper job on them, you might be disappointed with what will pay off later. About 50% of teenage pregnancy that occur in Africa is as a result of non-sex education between mothers and children. Teenage period is characterized by fragile emotional and hormonal changes, which explains why they usually have mood swings. Do not just tell your girl child, for instance that when a man touches her she will get pregnant, tell her exactly what you mean and how best to abstain from premarital sex or escape sexual abuse. And this has to be done early enough before their peers and the internet get to them first. Never be ashamed to educate them on sex because if you do not, they will get the wrong information somewhere else and end up disgracing you. Teach them abstinence because it is the best approach for unmarried people. Sex is a normal and healthy human activity but wrong timing with the wrong person and abuse of it could cause a lot of havoc. Supermoms don’t shy away from this.

Finally, pray for your children because you can not do it all by yourself.