When Fear Travels Out, Don't Let It Come Back...

Written By Peace Eneja

My grandma tells me a story about her little nephew Pryce, who was so afraid of the dark that he’d prefer any other punishment no matter how much difficult it maybe, than to let him stay alone in a dark room. Pryce was the most stubborn and the shortest among his siblings, but because She knew his weak point, She always found her way around him. So anytime she told him, ”Pryce I’ll lock you up in the room when "NEPA" takes light”, he'd beg to do whatever is required of him.

 It’s not out of the ordinary to be afraid, in fact one of the crucial human instincts is fear. Although some people believe that fear could be used to detect when something is bad or harmful and avoid it, but fear also makes people vulnerable. One becomes easy to be controlled, especially when people learn of what really scares one the most as it’s the case with my grandma's nephew Pryce. 

 I’ve come to think about what actually makes people afraid- death, failure, uncertainty of the future, change, disappointment, separation, rejection, the unknown etc. And sometimes it’s even funny to find out that what triggers fear, in some cases, could be as harmless as a butterfly. I had a chat with a couple of friends and whilst our conversation, they shared their views and experiences about fear. I got to understand what really makes people afraid and why it scares them. Below is a few excerpt from our discussion:

“I’m scared I might disappoint myself, my parents, my kids, and every one! I feel like everyone expects me to be some kind of person that I am not. It's a normal societal ideology. That as soon as one becomes an adult, one should be able to meet up certain responsibilities, - for instance, your parents expect you to do better than them, take care of your younger ones, and meet their needs. Honestly, the pressure can be so unbearable and the moment one is not living up to these expectations, it could lead to depression. In fact, one can actually become less motivated by life. That's what fear of disappointment can do", Sophia 

"People are always afraid of failure. This is because our society attach so much importance to success irrespective of how it’s gotten. Students are afraid of failing exams, so they do whatever it takes to pass, men are afraid of been called cowards so they struggle through pain just to prove they're not, women are afraid of been called a “weakling” so they endure certain things to show their strength etc. People are afraid of failing the society because it's tongue is so filled with blades that it can kill", Amara.

" Change is a major source of fear. It means to become different or become something else. The uncertainty nature of change creates a deep impression of fear. Ordinarily, people are weird to realistic thoughts but change isn't realistic because change could be negative or positive. Either way, people are most often unsure about what the outcome might be. This outcome is most times assumed unfavorable. For instance, it could lead to death or famine, so fear makes it difficult to accept change. Also, failure in its nature is never favourable to human nature even when writers have "termed" failure as a learning process, yet there is a big feeling of never wanting to fail among humans. We are most afraid that when we fail, people might look down on us or the standard at which people measure us reduces. This feeling alone is why people are most afraid of failing", Simon.

“When I was much younger than I am now, I was always scared of being rejected, by my peers and almost everyone around. Because I wanted to fit in somewhere in their lives, I would always do whatever they wanted even if was not comfortable with it. Nothing was a big deal to me as long as I feel accepted by people. This also affected my self-esteem- my fear of being rejected by people gave me a low self-esteem”, John.

I believe failure is the ultimate cause of fear. For instance I am afraid of having a failed marriage, of choosing the wrong life partner, of being a good parent. This affects my relationship, because somehow, my mind is already in “auto fear” regarding such issues. So any little mistake a partner makes, feels like it’s already a disaster! So I often conclude it’s never going work… Oge”.

 Shall I remind you that life is full of ups and downs, successes and failures and lots of things that will make you afraid and draw you back from moving forward? There is not just a straight and smooth path to it. The earlier you understand this pattern, and know that the formula isn’t just going to change because of you, the better and happier you’ll live. You might hold same view as my friends, you might also have a different view of fear, bottom line is - fear puts your life on hold! You cannot move forward until you deal with it and move pass it. If you are afraid of doing something, of starting, you’ll hardly ever get anything done. 

Don’t be so afraid of failing, it’s part of the human design. It’s meant to shape you into a better person. Change comes up every now and then, but that’s why you are dynamic. To change with the change when it’s needed; you don’t have to be afraid of it. Think of your life as a story book and you as the author. Maybe you might not change the past, but each day you have a fresh page to write on. It means that only you can allow any character into the story and only you can get rid of any character as well. So it is totally up to you. Are you going to allow fear stop you or are you going to stop the fear? As my grandma would always say, when fear travels out, don't let it come back and intimidate you again!